Have you ever found yourself blow up over something small or trivial?
Have you ever over reacted to something out of your control?
Did you ever think that you could change these reactions?
Well you can!!!
To be honest with you, it won’t happen overnight. It won’t happen with a snap of your fingers. But if you are willing to put in a little time you WILL see the start of some results.
A lot of the reasons why we do over react or explode, is because an invisible button was pushed inside us through either an action or words or even circumstances that tell us another story while we are taking part in the current one. Usually they are negative stories that we have been tell ourselves or were once told. It is time to re-story those emotions into either a positive or appropriate reactions.
We all need to learn what is right for ours to carry and what is not appropriate for us to carry. This all comes by learning who we really are and why we act the way we do in those situations. What stories have you been telling yourself?
It all starts with you grabbing yourself a small journal and start to write down whenever it starts to arise and the emotions, thoughts, reactions, whatever you want to write that will help you come to the real reason of why you react this way. Go there; don’t be afraid as the only person reading this is you!! The more real you are with yourself, the more questions you ask yourself about this reaction, the more likely you are to coming to the real reason for what is happening externally and internally. Then write down what reaction you would like to see from yourself, as the only person you can change is YOU. Journal for about a month to really get an opportunity for yourself to be really real with yourself and to explore…
What makes you tick….
After you have spent about a month journaling and exploring you should start to look back over what you have been journaling and look for any reoccurring themes, stories, situation or feelings. You might find that during your journaling that you have already recognised those “common themes”, and that’s great!
Now what to do about them? This is where you need to be gracious on yourself as you are learning a new skill. As you would know that anything new learnt it all takes time and practise. It is time to re-story the story that you have been telling yourself. This can be quite difficult as usually it is tied up in how we think of ourselves.
Our self worth……. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!
This is something you might have to force yourself to tell yourself for quite a while. There are all different ways you can do this (if you need any suggestions please contact me). In some things I am still telling myself a new story to re story the one I am telling myself now.
Start practising by not taking on board what is said to you. Practise on smaller issues if the opportunity arises. When those “triggers”, which you have already identified from you journaling, start to arise to the surface have a little internal discussion with yourself and recognise where it is coming from, is it what the person really saying, is it my responsibility, do I need to protect myself from what is happening around me or to me (if possible, then politely remove yourself from the environment until you are ready to re enter it), what is it making me feel like and am I being reasonable? These are only a few of the questions you could ask yourself. Make sure that you are allowing the other person to share all that is on their mind and BREATHE. Keep yourself and your words as peaceful as possible. This is best for everyone.
Now practise, journal and look after yourself. Start reading, get along to any self help groups or courses, maybe even check out our other articles from Practical Coaching or request a complimentary session to help you along in your journey. That’s what it is, a journey. Some are just further along than others. Keep checking in on yourself on how you’re travelling and keeping a look out for those situations or talks that may be a “trigger” for you. Start to value yourself and what you can do. You can do anything if you CHOOSE to.
Knowing what makes you tick brings a happy you and therefore a more secure family and helps you become a better friend to those who are really your friends. The flow on is endless…….. all it takes is a little time and a belief in yourself.